Broken
by sharingstories2
Summary: He was broken and Steven Mcgarrett may never be whole again.
1. Chapter 1

_I caught a chill and it's still frozen on my skin  
I think about why I'm alone by myself no one else to explain  
How far do I go no one knows  
If the end is so much better why don't we just live forever?_

'Commander' that word held so much promise but so much destruction. He'd done things he was ashamed of and although he was considered a hero by many they didn't know. They didn't know how many times he'd crossed the line, doing things by his own book, the people caught in the crossfire. He knew and he knew that if people knew the REAL him he wouldn't be a hero, he would be a villain.

 _I don't wanna live to waste another day  
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made  
'Cuz I feel like I'm breaking inside_

He had wasted so much time, he had wasted so much of his life being upset and distraught. He had wasted time carrying around his mistakes and consequences, well not anymore. Steven Mcgarrett would not be wounded anymore.

 _Out here nothing's clear  
Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited  
Disappear into the fear  
You know there ain't no coming back when you're still carrying the past_

The living were confusing to say the least. Some viewed you as a hero and others as the man that wrecked their lives, so he decided to move on. Wo Fat was dead and his long treacherous past was finally answered. Yet the fear stayed, the fear of pain and torture so he let his fear consume him. He knew that this was one battle he wouldn't win.

 _You can't erase, separate  
Cigarette in my hand, hope you all understand  
I won't be the last one in line  
I finally figured out what's mine_

They begged him to see sense, to see that living on nothing was not healthy and that he had a family, a family that loved him. Yet as he tried to figure what was his he realized that nothing was. His fear and pain were real but his happiness was short lived, so as he looked at his one opportunity he took it.

 _I don't wanna live to waste another day  
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made  
'Cuz I feel like I'm breaking inside_

He knew Danny was joking when he said to see a shrink but Danny didn't realize. He didn't realize that Steve had actually had thoughts of suicide and death since he'd left the NAVY. It had eased up since he had met five-o but the constant thought could become to much. Danny didn't realize that the op wasn't really 'classified' it was just that Steve was afraid to admit that he'd done bad things, he didn't want Danny to think he was inhuman. He knew he was.

 _And I feel like I'm breaking  
And I feel like I'm breaking inside_

He was broken and Steven Mcgarrett may never be whole again.


	2. Dear readers

Dear readers.

This is to address something that quite a few people have noticed, whether you have only read this story or others you may have noticed that a lot of my stories carry dark themes such as

· Suicide

· Mental illness

· Rape

· Abuse (of any kind)

· Self-harm

So I feel the need to stress this and I need your help. If you have read any of my stories and they have triggers, even if the trigger seems really remote could you please leave a review or private message, as much as the stories I write are for the reader's enjoyment sometimes they can be very triggering. Thank you.

That is not the reason I have written this note. I am here today to tell everyone that they are worth it, even if you don't believe it, I do. You are all stronger than what ails you and what ails you can be defeated, I believe that everyone has an inner battle inside them but you can survive. If you are experiencing anything, whether it be mental illness or you have been through a traumatic experience, hell even if you just feel sad or upset it is okay to get help. It is okay. I understand this is scary and it could mean that you will have to experience changes that you are not ready for but it will all be worth it. You can get there.

I want to wish everyone reading this all the happiness in the world, you deserve it. Remember you all have beautiful souls and its okay to feel sad and alone or whatever you are feeling. I want you to know that even if you feel like no one believes in you, I do.

Thank you all, I hope you all find happiness and joy in your lives.

\- Sharingstories2


End file.
